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ShonPosted at 2016-08-08 12:43:32(114 wks ago)     0


Posts: 175
Location: England




You Can Share Your Adult Jokes Here, Come On In!

Rules:

1. If there is no post from others for about 20 minutes then you
  can post another
2. Wide Open nude images are NOT allowed here
3. All other site and forum rules apply


Enjoy!


Last edited by miokdonated on 2018-07-12 15:51:07

 
 
ShonPosted at 2016-08-19 16:43:13(112 wks ago)     0


Posts: 175
Location: England


A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him,
"If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None."
The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off."
The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking."

Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?"
The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
 :tongue

Last edited by UnderTest on 2016-08-19 16:43:50

 
 
ShonPosted at 2016-08-21 11:00:13(112 wks ago)     1


Posts: 175
Location: England


I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629

 
 
SoupPosted at 2016-08-21 13:50:24(112 wks ago)     0


Posts: 323
Location: Union of Soviet Socialist Republics


Paddy wants to become a Priest, so he went to see the Bishop who said, "you must answer three questions on the Bible."
1st, who was born in a stable?'
"Red Rum," paddy said.
'2nd, what do u think of Damascus?'
"It kills 99% of all germs," paddy replied.
'3rd, what happened when the disciples went to Mount Olive?'
"That's easy," paddy said.
"Popeye kicked the shite out of them!!".

:laugh

Last edited by Soup on 2016-08-21 13:50:42

 
 
SoupPosted at 2016-08-21 13:51:38(112 wks ago)     0


Posts: 323
Location: Union of Soviet Socialist Republics


I saw Cliff Richard in my local Chinese takeaway recently.The owner said to him "you sing my favourite song I give you free meal!" Cliff replied "sure what do you want to hear?" The man said "itchy sore fanny!" Cliff looked confused and said "sorry that's not one of my songs" "yes" said the man "itchy sore fanny how we Don't talk anymore!!...

:drunk

 
 
SoupPosted at 2016-08-21 13:53:21(112 wks ago)     0


Posts: 323
Location: Union of Soviet Socialist Republics


Paddy is at the airport with a sack over each shoulder and when he is stopped at customs they find that both sacks are full of mobile phones. When asked why Paddy said, "Well, while I was on my travels in America, I got a phone call from my mate Murphy in Cork and he told me that he is starting up a jazz band and could I bring him back two saxophones."

:giggle

 
 
SoupPosted at 2016-08-21 13:54:35(112 wks ago)     0


Posts: 323
Location: Union of Soviet Socialist Republics


Police pull over Paddy for speeding
'Have you been drinking sir?'
Paddy replies ' Yes officer I have had 18 pints, 2 bottles of hooch and 6 Bacardi and cokes'
Policemen says ' What the hell are you doing driving!'
Paddy replies
'I couldn't fuckin walk!

:tongue

 
 
SoupPosted at 2016-08-21 14:00:47(112 wks ago)     0


Posts: 323
Location: Union of Soviet Socialist Republics


I was in Paris last weekend with the missus on a romantic break. When walking down the Champs Elysees a load of cyclists came bombing down. They were swerving in and out of traffic shouting obscenities. We got called "poofs, paedos!, wankers! Fuck monkeys, shit arse, nob jockeys, piss flaps, fucker!!..Turns out it was the Tourette's de France!!..

 
 
hopendarknessPosted at 2016-08-21 16:12:06(112 wks ago)     0
WorldWide's Queen


Posts: 48
Location: Turkey


Shon wrote:

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629

:laugh:laugh:laugh
Did you thank her?
Xie xie.
Even it is pronounced like Sexie Sexie..

 
 
SoupPosted at 2016-08-23 12:47:47(112 wks ago)     0


Posts: 323
Location: Union of Soviet Socialist Republics


Mick opens Paddy's fridge and says "why do you keep an empty bottle of milk in here paddy? "paddy replies "in case someone wants a black coffee ye thick twat !!"

 
 
SoupPosted at 2016-08-23 13:07:32(112 wks ago)     0


Posts: 323
Location: Union of Soviet Socialist Republics


Paddy stumbles across a mass baptism at a river.
He walks into the river and stands next to the preacher.
"Are you ready to find Jesus my son?"
Paddy says, "I am sir."
The preacher puts him under the water then says, "Have you found Jesus?"
"No sir."
He puts him under for longer. "Have you found Jesus?"
"No sir."
He puts him under for two minutes. "Have you found Jesus?"
Paddy says, "Are you fucking sure this is where he fell in?

 
 
ShonPosted at 2016-08-25 15:17:35(111 wks ago)     0


Posts: 175
Location: England


Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?

A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice

 
 
ShonPosted at 2016-08-25 15:20:10(111 wks ago)     0


Posts: 175
Location: England


Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
A: Your job still sucks!

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!

Q: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A: a $100 bill!

Q: Whats long and hard and has cum in it?
A: a cucumber

Q: How do you kill a circus clown?
A: Go for the juggler!

Q: Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
A: They couldn't close his casket.

Q: Who was the worlds first carpenter?
A: Eve, because she made Adams banana stand

 
 
ShonPosted at 2016-08-31 10:10:44(110 wks ago)     0


Posts: 175
Location: England


Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by
climbing a tree.
Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!"
Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

 
 
Jayrow75Posted at 2016-08-31 10:19:40(110 wks ago)     1
Big Daddy, The Comic Monster


Posts: 237
Location: United States of America


Hahahahahahahahaha.


I think this is my new favorite thread.

Thanks for LOLZ.

Jay

 
 
ShonPosted at 2016-09-02 17:25:06(110 wks ago)     1


Posts: 175
Location: England


A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!"
"Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code.

Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?"

Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!" The younger brother says,

"Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!"

 
 
The_HunterPosted at 2016-09-02 17:33:25(110 wks ago)     1
Music Riders


Posts: 177
Location: India


A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.

Last edited by The_Hunter on 2016-09-02 17:34:38

 
 
CalBommonPosted at 2016-09-02 18:26:08(110 wks ago)     0


Posts: 7
Location: Canada


The Most Socially Unacceptable Joke I Know

A Man and Child walk through a forest well past midnight.

"Its scawry out hewr"

The child said.

The Man replied,

"How do you think I feel? Knowing I'm walking out alone"

 
 
ShonPosted at 2016-09-05 08:40:39(110 wks ago)     0


Posts: 175
Location: England


During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God
takes you by when you die.
A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once
I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was
screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

 
 
ShonPosted at 2016-09-18 15:09:51(108 wks ago)     0


Posts: 175
Location: England


Unexpected sex:
Unexpected sex – that’s a great way to wake up. If you are not in a prison…

The catch:
A fisherman boasts to his friends:
- Yesterday I bought a fish like my hand.
- Liar, there are no such hairy fishes.

Fishing at home:
- Peter, lets go fishing!
- Nooo, my wife allowed me to drink at home.

Bungee jumping:
Why having fun with a prostitute is like a bungee jumping?
You're dead, if the rubber breaks.

Good question:
Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband:
- Honey, I have a sad news - a gynecologist told me not have sex for a three weeks...
Husband:
- And what the dentist said?

 
 

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