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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! by Angelinadisabled




My stalker story with a happy ending...

Somewhere at the beginning of 2013 I registered on a torrent site. I had so much fun in the Dutch Community and made a lot of new friends. December 2013 I got a pm from an uploader I was downloading a lot from. M. was such a kind guy and we started talking through pm. We talked every day and it was like he was completely understanding me. I started writing in a topic he requested me to write and there I found new friends. Gradually I started posting less and less in the Dutch Community and started writing more in the other one. All the while M. and I talked through pm every day. M. did not like that I talked some some Dutch male friends, so I stopped talking to them. M. was saying things that sometimes did not add up and in the back of my head there was this voice telling me that there was something really wrong. But how could there be something wrong when I had such a good friend who was always there for me. He was even giving a +1 on every post I made on the forums and on profiles. My rep was growing so fast.

In June 2014 I started to feel more and more that there was something wrong. It was like he was checking everything I did online and comment about it afterwards through pm. Also I lost more and more friends because he did not like me talking to males. He became so pushy, time consuming and I felt like he was stalking me all over the site. And the questions he asked… I just could not refuse him to give him info and pictures. If I did he would just keep pushing through pm until I told him or send the picture. July 2014 I self deleted.

After a week I decided to come back because I missed my friends and zeke23 helped me get my account back. M. was so extremely angry at me. He kept jelling at me for days. Stating that he never wanted to see “self delete” on my profile again and demanding to give my email address so he could contact me outside of the site too. So I eventually gave him my email address when he kept pressuring me. I did not want him to be angry at me. I wanted my friend back and no more angry messages.

September or October 2014 he wanted me to become the chairwoman of the community we both wrote in. He kept pushing me, saying that without my help the community would die and I suspect he also pm-ed users from the community to vote on me so I became chairwoman as he wanted. All the while he kept pm-ing me. Telling me exactly how I should run the thread, who I should talk to and what I should say. He was even telling me when to come online. And when I asked questions like where he worked, how old he was etc. he did not want to answer me. I had to tell him everything and he just would not tell me anything about himself. He did send me 3 pictures of himself, but I now doubt it were his actual pictures.

After that things were going more downhill. Some mornings I would come online and it turned out he had been going through my activities on that site again. Pages and pages of +1 on my reputation tab from him and comments about what I had done wrong according to him or who I should not talk to anymore. And his messages became more and more pushy. At other times he could be the nice and kind guy that I had met  December 2013. He told me to do or say things I did not want to, but he kept pushing me until I did what he said and I would see the nice and kind guy from December 2013 back.

Christmas 2014 I was going on vacation with my family. I did not dare to tell him as I knew he would become very angry that I would be gone for a week without contact. So I told him 2 days before we went. Again he got so angry at me! And when I got back he told me it was all my fault that the activity in the community had almost died out because I had gone on vacation.  He was angry at me until New Year’s Eve. Then he stayed up all night with me talking until after 1 AM like we did when we first met. My old friend seemed to be back.

But that was only one evening. After that he became moodier and angrier. He even started to say what I should wear, when I should be online and meddling in my personal life in other ways. I did not want this! He was suffocating and scaring me. Why did he make me promise time after time that I would let him in my house when he would be at the door. Asking for my promise several times a day and saying I could not go back on my promise once he arrived. But I did not want him at my house and most definitely not in my house!

I started to get online less and less. Using being busy at work as an excuse. He was so angry at me all the time and I was so scared. At the end of January 2015 he was tired of my coming online less. He kept pushing me to come online more and telling me which times to be there. I tried to go against him by telling him I could not, but he got angrier and angrier. I hardly ate anymore, had nightmares of him showing up at my house and lived in fear.

Then I made a big mistake. On Valentine’s day I posted an image with hearts on the walls of several male users. When he discovered he went berserk. Never had I seen him so angry! I could not take it anymore and want out. I did not want to live this way anymore. So I send him a message. Saying goodbye and that I was never going to talk to him again. Then I blocked him. That was when the emails started. He send me over 100 in just a few hours. Telling me I was killing him. That he could not live without me and that he loved me. I replied by saying leave me alone and after that not answering anymore.

I noticed he had bookmarked me and asked zeke23 if someone could follow me if I had him blocked and he bookmarked me. Zeke23 wanted to help me and asked if he could talk to M., but I was so scared! What would happen if M. was confronted? Would he blackmail me, tell everything about me to staff and wouldn’t staff think that I was to blame for the entire situation. Such a nice and popular guy and I was accusing him of stalking? Who would believe a nobody instead of a Super User. So I self deleted and left the site. I had gotten to the point I did not want to live anymore and stopped eating. Was even thinking about driving my car into a tree.

After a few week I got a new account on the site and asked permission from a Super Mod for the dupe. It was finally OK, but I had to tell my story. I did not dare to have M. banned so I begged staff to not punish him and to just let me have that new account to keep in touch with my old friends. He was not punished, but things were never the same again. And I left...

But this story does have a happy ending! It took a long time, but I am back on my feet. This experience changed me, but I can be myself again. Be happy and be a mod here. I am stronger then ever before and will never let anyone treat me that way ever again.




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